The Bengals are at it again. It seems like each season, they continue to find new ways to sink to an even lower depth than they reached the previous season.

This time, we can blame wide receiver Chad Johnson, whose only claim to fame is that he is a cousin to Keyshawn Johnson of Tampa Bay.

Despite being an absolute nobody, Chad Johnson guaranteed the Bengals would beat the Cleveland Browns this weekend.

Guess what. The Bengals lost 27-20, big surprise there.

The Bengals dismal performance this season has made me start to think about some other guarantees that I would like to see Cincinnati make.

For example, it would be nice if the Bengals would guarantee not to guarantee another victory when there is a really good chance they are going to lose.

Maybe Cincinnati and their idiot of an owner Mike Brown can guarantee that they won't squander another good draft pick. Anyone remember Ki-Jana Carter, David Klinger or Dan Wilkinson?

While we're on the topic of draft picks, can the Bengals please promise that they will either be very bad or halfway decent?

Instead, they lose their first eight games, become destined for the first draft pick, then manage to win a few games down the stretch and lose that top pick to someone else.

Hopefully, the Bengals will guarantee to take a closer look at their coaching staff. Maybe then, they will realize that the only constant in their 12-year exercise in futility has been quarterback coach Kenny Anderson who clearly is not getting the job done.

Do I really need to bring up the names of Scott Mitchell and Neil O'Donnell?

Maybe all-pro running back

Corey Dillon will pledge that when the game is on the line, and his team doesn't have any timeouts left, that he will get out of bounds to stop the clock instead of trying for that extra yard.

Cincinnati should guarantee that they will figure out what is wrong with their turf, so that big clumps don't come every time anyone tries to cut up the sidelines.

All of these things would be a better guarantee from the Cincinnati Bengals instead of promising a win that doesn't happen.

However, if you are hoping one of these comes true, I wouldn't get your hopes up.

I have just one more guarantee to give you, and I know this one will come through.

I guarantee I will be a Bengals fan for life.