'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through UD,

Not a creature was stirring, not even Schmeling;

The trash bins were filled with half-empty cans,

Consumed by every undergrad woman and man;

The students were nestled all snug in their beds,

While the aftermath of Natty raged in their heads;

My roommate not home, and I in my sweats,

Had just settled down with a guy I just met.

When out on Lawnview there arose such a clatter,

I fell from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I stumbled drunkenly,

Pulled aside the blinds and leaned out to see:

The moon on the breast of half-melted snow

Trampled by students walking to and fro.

When, what before my bleary eyes should appear,

A group of wee freshmen, warm from their beer.

All dressed to the nines, with ID-laden necks,

They were heading to Lowes with hopes of getting wrecked.

The girls noticed some friends, a moment of glee,

They called to each other, oblivious of me;

"Hi, Meagan! Hi, Sara! Hi, Wiegand and Kelly!

'Sup, Anna! 'Sup Jacqui! 'Sup, Stephanie and Kelsey!

Oh, my gawd, how are you? You all look so cute!

Oh, look, we all match with our tights and Ugg boots!"

They hugged and they squealed, as sauced girls do,

When seeing their friends for the first time since two.

I turned to the boy, whose name I knew not,

He told me it once, just before my tenth shot.

I gestured to the girls, all giggly with cheer

And hope that Santa will bring Korski this year.

I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

When a flash of red metal made a great sound.

The girls froze in their tracks, unable to believe,

Right before their bloodshot eyes, Santa they perceived.

The vehicle, though red, was rusty and old,

With no heater to protect its passenger from the cold.

The door opened and lo! a man appeared,

Decked out in red and sporting a bushy white beard.

In his arms was a gift, wrapped in silver and square,

A prize that is so delicious, it is not at all rare.

The girls did double takes, still floored with awe,

He lives! Santa's real! The thought lowered their jaws.

The man gave a chuckle, he knew they were trashed,

Not knowing they thought his car was Santa's sleigh crashed.

He reached down and grabbed another two things,

White plastic cups with soda brimming;

"Big ten?" he asked to the thunderstruck frosh,

After all,'tis the food to order after getting sloshed.

In swooped a junior with a sketchy moustache,

He picked up the gifts in exchange for some cash.

The girls, seeing this, were obviously pissed,

It appeared they are not on Santa's nice list.

The bearded man nodded goodbye, silent and polite,

His engine roared and he drove off into the night.

No matter our beliefs, one moral is common to all of UD,

When it comes to the holidays, there's no place we'd rather be.