It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

But really.

I admit it, I read Perez. And while I balance this following with CNN coverage, I cannot help but be affected by the buzz Perez generates.

I find that the more I read Perez, however, the more I realize that the world is ending.

Perez has kindly provided the Internet-addicted public with a blog, enlightening us of the tragedy at our very fingertips. His site proves useful in providing us with the truly pertinent news of our times.

As an avid reader, I feel like I can legitimately say in light of less important situations such as the economy and natural disaster, the end of the world as we know it is imminent.

Thus, I present you with the Seven Signs of Celebrity Apocalypse:

1. "Jersey Shore." It has happened. Finally. At long last, MTV has proved that it is impossible to be short, orange and famous without being an Oompa-Loompa.

2. Tiger Woods. America's sweetheart, the Michael Phelps of golf, has failed us all. He started off an inspiration, but one tanked career and 482 disgruntled women later, Woods has proven that while he has sown his seed across the country, maybe we don't want any children with his genetics.

3. Luke Wilson's AT&T;commericals. Devastating. Enough said.

4. Kate Gosselin's hair. When you are a C-list reality TV show star known for one trademark, I don't recommend you change it. Fortunately, Kate Gosselin is not known for making smart life choices (marrying Jon and exploiting her eight children? Case in point.)

The disaster of her lopsided coiffure could only be topped by her damage control extensions. Kate Gosselin, right now you are the lesser of two evils, don't ruin it by trying to look 24 again.

5. The Duggar family's spawn.

The new First Family of TLC is known for one thing: having an influx of children. At the start of their fame, they were at 16. Now they have broken 19, begging the question ...

Who would have thought it humanly possible for Michelle Duggar to pop yet ANOTHER bun out of the oven?

Given that this is truly the Apocalypse, it only makes sense that the arrival of baby Josie Duggar is the equivalent of the Four Horsemen.

6. Dakota Fanning getting some girl on girl. Now I am a big fan of D.Fann, but I admit that I still see her as that precious little girl in "I Am Sam." I definitely do not see her swapping spit with Kristen Stewart.

Yet she does.

For all of you Twihards out there looking for any bit of Bella you can get, check out "The Runaways," in theaters March 2010. Just try not to be shocked by lil Dakota in a grown up role.

7. Nicole Richie is ... thriving?

In a (very) unexpected twist of fate, Nicole Richie has once more metamorphosed from an underweight, overexposed Paris Hilton accessory to a healthy, happier mother who is actually not in the spotlight for table dancing.

So there you have it. Laugh if you must; I'm no Nostradamus, but I firmly believe the day Snooki is considered a celebrity is the day the world is ending.